“… the misspelled wrestle Doyle called baritsu”

  • Originally published on the Bartitsu.org site on May 1st, 2017

In response to the newest and most action-packed Sherlock adventure, The Six Thatchers, TV critic Ralph Jones wrote an opinion piece titled “Sherlock is slowly and perversely morphing into Bond. This cannot stand.” Here is series writer Mark Gatiss’ retort, in Doylean verse no less:

Here is a critic who says with low blow
Sherlock’s no brain-box but become double-O.
Says the Baker St boy is no man of action –
whilst ignoring the stories that could have put him in traction.

The Solitary Cyclist sees boxing on show,
The Gloria Scott and The Sign of the Fo’
The Empty House too sees a mention, in time, of Mathews,
who knocked out poor Sherlock’s canine.

Would you mess with this man?

As for arts martial, there’s surely a clue
in the misspelled wrestle Doyle called baritsu.
In hurling Moriarty over the torrent
did Sherlock find violence strange and abhorrent?

In shooting down pygmies and Hounds from hell
Did Sherlock on Victorian niceties dwell?
When Gruner’s men got him was Holmes quite compliant
Or did he give good account for The Illustrious Client?

There’s no need to invoke in yarns that still thrill,
Her Majesty’s Secret Servant with licence to kill
From Rathbone through Brett to Cumberbatch dandy
With his fists Mr Holmes has always been handy.

Mark Gatiss

This entry was posted in Baritsu, Humour, Sherlock Holmes. Bookmark the permalink.